I Remember Mama: Her Love for New Life

Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I am pregnant. I think it must be in our nature to long for our mother's tender touch and reassuring voice when we are carrying a child of our own.

I know I was incredibly blest to have my mom available during my first two pregnancies and I am missing her profoundly with this one.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." - Psalm 139:13

With all my complaints of nausea, fatigue, back ache, etc., it wasn't while struggling with any of these symptoms that I missed my mom the most these past months.

The moment that left the sharpest twinge of pain in my heart was when my husband and I announced to our families that we were expecting another baby.

We did it at our son's birthday party over the Summer since the gathering included only our immediate families. They were all thrilled, of course, but their excitement was nothing compared with how my mom would have reacted.

What should have been a moment of joy, for me, turned into a struggle to hold in the tears.

I know that my mom would have been jumping up and down, cheering, laughing, and maybe even crying a little over our announcement, just like she did when we announced that we were expecting our first two children.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations." - Jeremiah 1:5

In her own experience, infertility had been the cross God chose to bless her with and though her dream was to have ten children, she was only given four: three on earth and one in heaven.

I am sure that her own struggle with infertility helped to fuel her openness to life. And I am grateful that by her example, she taught me to recognize the eternal value of each and every child.

It breaks my heart to know that my mom will not be here to kiss, hold, and meet this precious new baby that is growing inside of me but I trust that she will be watching over her newest grandchild throughout his or her life.

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note: My mom died in October of 2013 at the age of 55 after a two year battle with breast cancer.